With revolution comes revelation….
Who am I? You might have thought that at nearly 55 years of age I wouldn’t still be asking myself this question. Yet events this summer have begged me to think more deeply about this.
Life is a rollercoaster they say. Well, if truth be told, my rollercoaster was veering out of control earlier this year. It was almost careering off the tracks and making me feel rather sick. It was time to get off and set my feet on firmer ground.
A lot has been going on over the last year to precipitate this. I was coping with grief having lost Dad back in February, worrying about my Mum’s advancing Alzheimer’s while also trying to keep my clients happy. And throw into the mix that we were also trying to sell our house. No wonder it was all getting on top of me - too much juggling, too many emotions. What I needed more than anything was to step off this midlife rollercoaster and take a few deep breaths. Of course, easier said than done!
Yet out of this blur there came a glimpse of hope. We managed to sell our house quickly and so came the realisation that this was a moment to seize my opportunity. It was time to jump off the rollercoaster and get some clarity.
So, at the end of June with clients briefed and handovers completed, I closed my laptop and opened my eyes to a summer of recovery and freedom. I couldn’t have timed it better. I like to think that the universe played its part in lining this up for me; taking pity and deciding to offer me some much-needed respite!
Leaving work behind for a while was an exhilarating yet scary experience. You see I’ve worked almost non-stop for over 30 years, except for short health-induced hiatus a few years back. These years of working without much time off have just rolled by relentlessly. All this time, I must have had one of my Dad’s motto’s ‘just keep going’ ringing in my ears! It felt almost impossible and slightly self-indulgent to let go completely. Yet that was exactly what I needed to do.
As I began to unwind from the pace and intensity of the previous few months, I began to realise just how much of me had been lost in work and stress. How my identity and worth had becomes too tightly entwined with work. Away from Zoom calls, media pitches, client reports, timesheets, and KPIs, who was I and what did I want?
It was time to take a breath and do some deep self-reflection…..
I know the desire to keep going is such a compelling and compulsive one for many midlife women. We’re often struggling with menopause, supporting children, caring for elderly relatives, dealing with bereavement while holding down a day job and maybe also trying to maintain a healthy relationship with a spouse or partner. Yet we continue to hold it together for everyone else while forgetting and neglecting ourselves. I’m sure there’s many women, like me, who wait for things to get really bad before finally waking up to the reality.
What did my summer sabbatical teach me?
Well, it showed me that I definitely needed to slow down to take stock. Without work commitments I was able to see more clearly just how lost and disconnected from myself and my dreams I had become. Well-worn habits and unhelpful internal narratives were holding me back and limiting my potential. In survival mode these ill-serving habits and thought patterns had become deeply entrenched. And while I was aware they were there, I just didn’t have the energy or courage to resist or challenge them.
A big part of my self-reflection focused on trying to unpick all of this and begin to implement new habits and priorities. It’s an ongoing process for sure and I feel like I’m only just getting started. I’ve realised that this is not something you can do alone, so I’m now seeking help and guidance through coaching and counselling.
It was wonderful to be able to finally invest in myself and my wellbeing and to begin exploring a more creative and optimistic version of myself. Witnessing myself through a more compassionate and truthful lens was an enlightening yet also vulnerable experience. Midlife, I believe, is truly a time of transformation and renewal and I wanted to make sure that I embraced this opportunity fully; using all the tools I could to regain my drive and thrive.
I went on a retreat to connect with like-minded women and learnt how to unleash my midlife mojo, I spent time in nature in Portugal, I meditated and went for walks, I reconnected with old friends, I started writing on Substack and planning how I could bring my brand Fifty Thrive alive. Piece by piece I was reclaiming myself back from the brink and rediscovering what brought me joy and got my creativity flowing. I also learnt to appreciate that transformation doesn’t happen overnight, and that a good deal of patience is required!
My sabbatical was also punctuated with deep sadness as my mother passed away in the middle of it. Yet even that immensely sorrowful experience was marked with gratitude and growth. Having quality time to spend with Mum at the end, without the worry of work, was a blessing and a privilege. It gave me the space to bring my whole self to the experience of witnessing her passing. Being fully present enabled me to feel its humbling and life-affirming effects more intensely too, for which I’m eternally grateful.
Now a few months down-the-line I find myself starting to dip my toe back into work. Only slowly and cautiously though, as I don’t want to undo all the good ‘me’ work I’ve done so far. I’m excited about how I’m going to establish new rules of engagement around my work commitments and challenge myself to make work, work for me. I don’t want to ever lose sight of me again, so it’s important, I believe, to align who I truly am with how I serve others in work.
Let’s face it, at 55 I’m certainly not ready to give up on work and retire any time soon. I feel like I’ve got a so much more to give to others and myself. I’m currently contemplating how I can diversify into new areas, what retraining I’d like to do and how I can flourish on my own terms. I have some exciting and ambitious plans cooking and I can’t wait to get going on them when I’m ready.
I guess just like many other midlife women as described in Dr Lucy Ryan’s new book ‘Revolting Women’ (which is on my winter reading list), I too have had my own work revolt. I’ve discovered that with revolution comes revelation and that in rediscovering my whole identity, new ideas and ways to thrive are beginning to open up.
Thank you for reading…
I hope by sharing my experiences of losing my sense of identity through work and stress I’ve encouraged you to question yourself and your priorities at this stage of life. I plan to continue sharing my midlife transition story here and how I go about making changes through the people, resources and ideas that inspire and support me.
Feel free to share your comments or thoughts about losing your identity - be it through work, becoming a mother, an empty nester or as a result of other midlife challenges - I’d love to hear them all!
And finally, please do share this story with any midlife woman (or man) who might find it helpful.