In honour of Mum
Why there’s no day like today to take action….
It’s been a tough year for sure…
We’ve lost both Mum and Dad within six months of each other - Dad on Valentine’s day (very appropriate for the romantic he was) and Mum on Assumption Day (which somehow feels fitting too). It would seem that they had a part to play in choosing their departure days!
There was a sad inevitability that they’d leave this world in quick succession - not least as they were inseparable after 59 years of marriage. Yet it feels like was more at play.
Back in 2013 Dad was diagnosed with Multiple System Atrophy, a rarer form of Parkinson’s - a degenerative disease which slowly affects balance, movement and autonomic nervous systems. As Dad became wheelchair bound and less self-reliant, Mum took on the additional role of his carer. It was a gruelling and unrelenting job year in and year out, especially as Mum was well into her 70s. Although she had some help from wonderful carers, the nightly interrupted sleep and little respite she had was all part of the deal.
No wonder then that after these exhausting years my Mum was herself diagnosed in 2018 with a terminal illness; a rare form of Alzheimer’s called Posterior Cortical Atrophy (PCA). I can’t help feeling that her years as a carer had in some part contributed to her own demise.
Compounded by pandemic isolation, Mum’s decline was far more rapid than Dad’s. While drugs held the worst at bay for a short time, it wasn’t long before her type of Alzheimer’s rendered her almost blind; disconnecting her from everyday life, her surroundings and her loved ones. Her mind no longer functioned normally - it was chaotic at best and psychotic at worst; playing cruel tricks on her sense of reality, safety and wellbeing. One can only imagine what kind of living hell that was for her, and on many occasions she wanted an escape route - who could blame her?
Not only did Alzheimer’s rob her cognitive abilities, it also physically decimated her. It took a vibrant, healthy and beautiful older lady and turned her into an extremely frail and fragile human being. Yet despite these devastating mental and physical impacts, she was underneath it all still my lovely Mum.
There were precious moments of joy when the black clouds parted and like a ray of sunlight Mum’s spirit and personality would briefly break through. We got another glimpse of her sense of humour or gratitude for all those looking after her. My angels as she used to call them.
Despite these fleeting interludes, it was a relief for her (and us) when she decided to give up on this meagre existence and ‘go and join Dad in heaven’ as she so wished.
So we now find ourselves in the throes of planning Mum’s memorial - a celebration of her life, her uniqueness and our deep love for her. While Alzheimer’s robbed her of her last few years and took her life, it most certainly didn’t define her. No, she was way bigger and better than it; a kind, generous, cheerful, strong and spirited woman.
And it’s in that spirit, and as a legacy to her wonderfulness, that I feel empowered and determined to tell Mum’s story today on World Alzheimer’s Day (21st September). I’m on a mission to raise awareness of Alzheimer’s and to encourage midlife women to take steps to minimise their risk.
There’s still a lot of mystery surrounding Alzheimer’s and dementia and why it strikes some people and not others. Yet the stats bear out its devastating impacts and demonstrate why it really does matter to each and every one of us right now.
Would you believe that today there’s an estimated 55 million people globally living with dementia according to the World Health Organisation (900,000 in the UK) and it’s now the leading cause of death in the UK. Alzheimer’s Research UK today announced some new stark figures showing that if nothing changes 1 in 2 of us will see our lives devastated with dementia - either as a sufferer or a carer or at different points in our lives as both.
These figures put everything into perspective. We have a care system here that already can’t cope with the scale of the problem and many families are currently juggling and struggling to care for their loved ones. I know quite a few friends and colleagues who are in this precarious and heart breaking situation right now, and I feel their pain deeply.
Yet sadly it’s only going to get worse with the Alzheimer’s Society estimating that by 2040 they’ll be 1.6 million people with the disease in the UK. And yes you can bet that just like today the greatest burden of suffering and caring will be borne by women.
Another reason to pay attention is that women have a much greater risk of developing it than men again according to the Alzheimer’s Society. In fact, currently around twice as many women have Alzheimer's disease – the most common type of dementia – compared to men. The scientists don’t quite know why yet but there’s plenty of research going on to unravel its mysteries so that hopefully in the not-too-distant future they can discover new preventative measures or even a cure. In Mum’s more lucid moments she implored me to make sure a cure was found so others wouldn’t have to suffer like her.
While all this might seem quite depressing and overwhelming, the good news is that there are things we can do now in midlife. The campaign theme for World Alzheimer’s Day is ‘Never too early, never too late’ - highlighting how identifying risk factors and proactively reducing those risks could delay, or potentially even prevent, the onset of dementia.
So how can we act positively? Well for a start I’d advise you to go for a health check if you haven’t had one recently. Just this week I had one through my local NHS trust. It focuses on prevention; identifying your risk levels for the major diseases such as diabetes as well as dementia. I had my blood pressure, pulse and cholesterol tested as well as BMI and waist measured, and my lifestyle choices put under the spotlight!
While I was given a relatively clean bill of health, there’s always room for improvement. So I plan to up my exercise game and try to ditch the salty snacks I indulge in when I’m stressed. What I liked about it too was that they signpost you to a range of websites where you can get more information to encourage you to take action and make the right health choices.
The Alzheimer’s Society also has a great deal of information about everyday ways you can keep your brain healthy. Of course, there’s no sure-fire guarantees when it comes to your health, but if you can give yourself a better chance of limiting life-threatening diseases then I believe it’s worth the effort. They recommend that you take the following steps:
Get more physically active - find new ways every day to get moving. As I well know myself, it’s very easy if you work at a laptop to forget about moving! I’ve started to really think about how I incorporate more exercise into my daily routine beyond walking and yoga. I believe it’s about finding what type of activity brings you the most joy - everyone is different, so have fun finding out what your exercise mojo is and get going!
Eat healthily and maintain a healthy weight - if you nourish your body with healthier food choices, you’ll give your brain a better chance of staying healthy too. Unhealthy eating and being overweight can affect the blood supply to your brain. Find ways to reduce your salt and sugar intake and try to eat more fruit, veg and oily fish if you can. We all have our food Achilles’ heel and mine is savoury snacks so being mindful of why and when you’re indulging will help you make better choices.
Reduce your alcohol intake and stop smoking - drinking alcohol has been proven to damage your brain health, so now’s the time to think about cutting down your units. I know a lot of midlife women are already sober curious or are going teetotal. While I like the occasional tipple, I know how easy it is to let one drink lead to another, so I’m trying to be more mindful about how much I drink. Smoking almost doubles your chance of getting dementia with the effects on your heart and lungs harming blood vessels in the brain. What’s amazing is that it’s never too late; apparently people who quit aged 60 can add three years to their lives!
Connect with people - This is a biggy. The relentlessness of caring for Dad as well as the pandemic isolation and lack of interaction, I believe, exacerbated the speed at which Mum declined - especially as she was naturally a sociable woman. The power of connections in midlife and beyond can’t be overstated. Women generally thrive when they are connected in community and have a sense of belonging. This is the bedrock of our wellbeing and health. After feeling isolated in France during and after the pandemic, this year I’ve made a promise to myself to meet old friends in person and to make new friends and connections. One of the best things I did this year was go on a Midlife retreat where I met the most amazing women. I’ll be writing more about all of this soon as I think it’s so important.
Keep mentally active - midlife is a great time to reassess your life and to really think about what brings you joy. Being mentally active offers so many new and exciting opportunities to challenge your mind and your mindset. As an inquisitive person and a life-long learner I’m currently teaching myself Portuguese on Duolingo and am looking into courses that will expand my understanding of neuroscience, something I’m fascinated about. Discover what lights your fire and go for it!
And that’s what looking after your health and wellbeing in your midlife and beyond should be all about - making time for yourself, making it fun and making new connections; in essence making your own version of thrive.
It’s not about reducing and abstaining, it’s about growing and indulging in the things that make you, your body and brain feel good.
So on this day, I invite you to get more clued up and curious about Alzheimer’s and think about how you too can improve your brain health. Do it for yourself, do it for those you know who’ve suffered, do it for my Mum - but whatever you do, just do it!
To find out more visit: www.alzheimers.org.uk and www.alzheimersresearchuk.org both these sites have great resources and ideas to help you reduce your risk.
I have some exciting plans to fundraise for both of these Alzheimer’s charities through my soon to be launched Fifty Thrive website - so watch this space!
If any of you want to talk to me about your experiences of coping with a loved one with Alzheimer’s then please get in touch - together we are stronger…