Five to Thrive - Edition 18
Let's go or let go?
In Five to Thrive you’ll discover nuggets of inspiration, gather wisdom & resources, and read insights from midlife women that’ll encourage you to prioritise your thrive.
I want this to be a place for us all; where diverse, relatable stories are shared - for together we are stronger!!
I’d love you to co-create with me, with suggestions on what to include, so feel free to leave comments and ideas.
So, let’s start getting our thrive on!
1. Resisting rest
I hope you survived the recent heatwave. It was a toughie wasn’t it!
As a menopausal woman who’s survived quite a few 40 plus degree heatwaves whilst living in France, that’s quite an admission. You’d think that I’d have got the whole heatwave thing sussed, but this one seemed to hit me particularly hard.
So it’s no surprise when I confess that this issue is arriving a week later than planned. Every time I sat down to write last week I struggled to string a sentence together as my mind melted and my body sweated in solidarity.
Each day I’d try again to pick up where I left off, but as the days got hotter, my writing became even less coherent. In the end I had to admit defeat - the weather had well and truly got the better of me! And by the time Friday came around, I could take no more, I had to give myself permission to stop working completely.
Yet showing some compassion to myself at this time felt really uncomfortable. As someone whose career has been built around meeting deadlines and delivering to expectation, I still find it so hard to let go of obligations. It’s crazy really, but I know I’m not alone.
Us midlife women have grown up in a society and working environment that functions best when we’re always switched on and available (preferably with a smile on our faces too!). We’ve been so conditioned to prioritise other’s needs before our own whether that’s at work, in the home or for the family, that it feels almost impossible to break free.
And you’d think as a long-term self-employed person, who theoretically has autonomy over her time, I’d have figured this out by now, but I can assure you it’s still something I tussle with.
So last Friday after much cajoling and words to self, I finally decided it was okay (and safe) to choose my wellbeing over everything else. After all, one day off wasn’t going to end the world!
And then just as I began to exhale, the guilt started to creep in and tense me up again. My mind tried to pull me back into being productive; telling me I had to check emails, nudging me about my to-do-list, whilst my body screamed for a lie-down by a fan on full blast!
I’ve talked to other midlife women about this, and they tell me they feel the same; this relentless drive to keep on going regardless of their own needs. And I wonder why our generation feels this so viscerally, have we lost the ability to question the status quo, or are we simply too exhausted to fight it?!
Maybe as the world spins ever faster and things are changing so rapidly and radically these days, we’ve become too caught up in the maelstrom. And that weirdly, stopping feels more triggering than keeping going.
Or is it that for too long, we’ve come to equate (or been forced to feel) that our sense of worth and value is only measured by being always on and amenable?
Whatever, the reasons, which are likely to be multiple, there’s one thing for sure - that if we don’t show ourselves a hefty dose of compassion at times like these, then we’re never going to find and own our thrive!
With holiday season almost upon us, and more heatwaves inevitable before the summer’s out, learning to let go (even for a few hours) is going to be our biggest challenge, and yet, if we crack it, also our greatest reward.
And I’ll let you into a little secret, what finally brought me to my senses as I jostled with my guilt was this brilliant post by Suzy Reading (if you don’t follow her on IG you must - and read below for something else too!)
I’d love to know if you struggle with this too - or if you’ve found a way to take time out guilt free - what’s helped you, is it compassion, setting strong boundaries, no longer people-pleasing that’s helped you? Answers below!
2. Throw your hands in the air, like you don’t care!
A long time ago, when I was a student in Manchester, I’d go out clubbing a few times a week, and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid! And of course it was all fuelled by copious amounts of alcohol (remember Thunderbird, anyone?!)
I had thought that those heady days of partying were long gone, yet the other Friday at 7am in the heart of Manchester, that’s exactly what I was doing (minus the alcohol)!
There I was, with my friend Susanna, other midlife women and mums with kids, throwing my hands in the air, like I didn’t care - dancing wildly to classic tunes from the 90s and noughties.
Recently I’d written about how time seems to be going faster than ever, and how I needed to find temporal milestones to slow things down a bit. This was the first of these temporal milestones (what I now call my thrive milestones) that I hope will bring me more joy and variety!
So how did I find out about this? It was one evening when I was mindlessly scrolling on instagram I came across a reel that caught my attention and sparked my curiosity.
In that moment, I discovered that Rant & Ramble Coffee Rave was coming to Manchester, and just I knew I had to go! These 7am coffee raves are designed to give people a feel-good boost before work - and to bring more joy and connection to people through music, movement, community and coffee. How could I resist such a mission!
Leesa Collinge founded Rant & Ramble initially as a supportive walking group to help her after her mother passed away from lung cancer. Then, as a huge fan of dance music, she came up with the Coffee Rave concept after seeing people joyfully dancing in the streets early in the morning in France.
And as an inaugural thrive milestone it was a pretty awesome one - the welcome was so warm, the music pumping and uplifting (special mention to the hugely talented and gorgeous Romi Foxx on drums and DJ Dan) and the people we met were up for fun and chats.
Rant & Ramble has now caught the attention of Davina McCall and the Begin Again team so if you’re based down in London then there’s a rave on 22nd July you can book here and there’s others throughout the summer across the north.
It’s going to be hard to make my second thrive milestone as memorable as the first but I’m up for the challenge - so watch this space!
And if you have any ideas on what my next one can be then share below! Also, let me know if you’ve had a thrive milestone recently.
3. Voices of Wisdom
It’s with great excitement that I introduce you to the fabulous Rachel Peru - some of you may well know her already. We’ve only ever met online and a while ago she did one of my PR power hours. I’ve long admired her from afar as I love everything she does! Not only is she passionate about helping midlife women feel confident in their bodies, she’s also a stunning model, a stylish dresser (along with her husband Mark) and podcaster. And on top of all of this she’s got an exciting new venture which she’ll tell you about below - so over to you Rachel…
What do you do to help midlife women thrive?
Body confidence is at the heart of everything I do. Not in a performative “love yourself every day” way, but in learning to accept ourselves as we are, to stay connected to our bodies, and to stop waiting for permission to feel confident.
I create spaces, through my social media content, my community, and my podcast conversations, where women feel seen, represented, and more at home in their bodies. I challenge the idea that visibility, confidence, or feeling good in our skin has an expiry date. I want women to know they are allowed to take up space, exactly as they are now, not a certain dress size or ten pounds lighter, but now.
This message is now shaping my next chapter with the launch of my swimwear brand, Liberté – Free to Be. It’s designed to support women in feeling confident and comfortable in their bodies without compromise, pieces that fit, support, and move with you, rather than asking you to change for them. Where women who are too often under represented will be showcased in all marketing.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give to a midlife woman wanting to find her thrive?
I wasted so many years waiting to feel confident before I felt ready to start living my life, but the truth is, confidence is built through action, not perfection. Not shrinking your body. Not becoming a different version of yourself.
So, I would say start now. Just as you are.
Wear the swimsuit. Be in the photo. Take up space in the room even if you don’t feel “ready”, because that’s when everything starts to shift.
How are you thriving right now?
Right now, I’m thriving by building something that feels deeply aligned with who I am and what I believe in. I’m stepping into a new chapter with the launch of my swimwear brand, Liberté - Free to Be, and that feels both exciting and slightly scary in equal measure. It’s pushing me outside of my comfort zone, but in a way that feels purposeful.
On a personal level, I’ve also been navigating the recent loss of my dad. That experience has changed how I move through life. It’s made everything feel more present, I’m more honest with myself about what I want and don’t want in my life. It’s reminded me not to postpone things that matter, and to live with more intention.
Through the menopause I’ve also become more connected to myself than I’ve ever been, listening to what I need, looking after my energy, and not feeling the pressure to be everything to everyone.
What’s the most important lesson you’ve learnt in midlife?
That you are allowed to change. So much of life is spent trying to stay consistent with who we’ve been, or who we think we’re supposed to be to conform to external expectations. I no longer see myself through one fixed identity. I see myself as someone who is still becoming, still growing and exploring, still allowed to shift direction if something no longer feels aligned. I don’t feel the need to justify my actions to people anymore.
5. Who do you think is truly living in her thrive?
I think it’s women who have stopped trying to perform who they think they should be and instead lean fully into who they actually are. I’ve now interviewed over 160 women on the podcast, and what’s become really clear is that thriving doesn’t look like one fixed thing. It looks different for everyone, but there are some common threads.
It’s women who have started listening to themselves again. Who’ve made brave shifts in how they live, how they dress, how they speak, or what they no longer tolerate. Women who have stopped shrinking to fit into expectations and started expanding into their own lives.
Some are rebuilding after loss or change. Some are stepping into visibility for the first time. But they’ve all given themselves permission to be true to themselves.
Don’t forget to follow and support Rachel here: @rachelperu1 @libertefreetobe www.liberteltd.com
4. Thrive nuggets
It’s that time of year when we start thinking about our summer reading (especially for those going on holiday) so here’s two books that I’m going to have in my pile.
How to be Selfish: 7 steps to taking back your power by the aforementioned Suzy Reading. After my recent experience, and having read the blurb below, I know that I have to get my mitts on this book ASAP!!!
Drawing on somatic therapy, neuroscience and psychology, alongside highly effective coaching tools and techniques, Suzy presents seven steps to guide you towards reclaiming your peace and your power. We can only become calmer, stronger, well-rested people by prioritising ourselves and also allowing others to fill up our cup. It is time to receive!
The other is called Joybellion: Transforming Midlife Insignificance into Freedom, Power, and Everyday Magic by Kai Soremekun, who’s also on substack. Based on the title alone, this is going to be one that I devour.
5. And finally…
It’s been a busy few months for Fifty Thrive helping female founders get their stories, expertise and opinions in the media - from The Chateau Celebrant in Best magazine, The Long Game with Lucy Patterson into Dynamic Business Magazine to myself into Woman’s Weekly, among others.
With the long-lead media now focusing on the autumn and Christmas (yes seriously!) now’s the time to be planning ahead if you want to get coverage later this year.
So let’s have a PR power session together over the summer to get the ideas flowing and pieces in place to get you some stellar coverage that’ll bring you new customers and trusted third party profile.
Over the summer (July and August) I’m offering my PR power session for £199 (a saving of £100). So if you’re interested in finding out more then get in touch but don’t take my word on their value:
And please do share with any female founders or midlife women who you think would benefit from being in the media or would like some fresh ideas for topical content!
So that’s it folks - hope that you enjoyed this edition - I’d love you to comment on any of the insights or perspectives shared here - were there any that resonated with you?
And finally, if you enjoy reading Five to Thrive, then I’d love for you to buy me a coffee to say thanks. I don’t put any of my writing or content behind a paywall as I want it to be accessible, but I do appreciate your support.
So I’ve set up an opportunity for you to make a one-off payment on my Fifty Thrive stripe account - any amount is appreciated!
Thank you so much x